Elliptical machine with a heart-rate reading of "Chew Two Aspirin"


I bought an elliptical machine a few hundred years ago. So far, it has been doing a fantastic job as a clothes hanger. Yesterday, I finally worked up the motivation to try it out. It’s a pretty cool machine; it shows distance travelled, calories burned, and how fast you are going. It also has a heart-rate monitor, but I don’t understand this reading that it gave me…does anyone know what is means?


No Skin Off My Potatoes!

I was today year’s old when I learned that there is no point in peeling potatoes, it is a waste of time. Whether you are making French Fries, sMashed Potatoes, Sheppard’s Pie, or pretty much anything else just leave ‘em on; no real taste difference. The main difference is that it’s healthier; that’s the only downside.

Buzz Viral

I Just Might

Spherical plains
Dividing the days
You shake your tongue
You’re moving on
No-one else near could

Venom and rage restrained
Defining your caged recourse
Finitely close
Light years away
Nothing else near could

No cliched rhetoric speeches
Said you’d heard it all before
And I’m standing right beside you
No-one else near could

Five days without you
Stealing colors from the nights
Yearn for beside you
In the voices of my mind
Ten years beside you
Seems a blink in my thought’s eye
From here to to Tuesday
Is all you’re asking for

Ten years beside you

Seems a blink in my thought’s eye
Cold wind and miles of pavement
Ember’s burn in sight
I feel redemption
Salvation by your side
If can’t wait until tomorrow
Then I just might



Don’t Be A D##k…Pic Sender

Don’t do it, just don’t. Don’t be a D##k pic sender. I mean don’t send unsolicited pictures of your private parts to strangers. It’s not going to work, and it is rude. My friend has sought romance on some online dating sites, and the volume of prick pics that get sent to her inbox is unbelievable…I had no idea until she tried to show an example on Facebook live the other night (duh!)…and got cut off (double duh!)…that this kind of stuff went on. I know that some couples like to email and text naughty stuff to each other, and that’s fine IF YOU ACTUALLY KNOW EACH OTHER, but who introduces themselves with a picture of his fully erect junk? When my pal held her phone up to the camera with an example of her c##k shot compilation, I flinched, and almost puked, it was awful. I feel bad for anyone who opens a message from a stranger and has to see that, its like getting slapped. It’s f##king disgusting…knock it off.