Tired Puppies
We took our Muttley Crew to The Vet for their annual shots, and it made them groggy. They sure are well behaved when they are asleep!
40 Years Apart, Same Name, Same Message, Different Reason
It Says; “Best Before” ….Not “No Good After”
One third of food in Canada gets thrown out because it is past it’s “Best Before” date. Not in my house! That label says “BEST BEFORE” it does not say “NO GOOD AFTER” I use my senses to judge whether food is good to eat or not; I look at it, and I smell it. If it’s not looking back at me, and trying to see what I smell like, well then, its good to eat! Food is expensive, and believe me, if any food is going to waste… its going to MY Waist!
Sheila Needs The Day Off Please
Dear Sheila Weekes’ Boss,
Please excuse Sheila from work today. She is needed to make the world a Better Place by celebrating my birthday. This requires her to skip the gym, eat some junk food, do something she enjoys, and hug someone she loves. Unfortunately none of these activities are compatible with a day at work, so she needs a little time off.
Sheila always has the most wonderful things to say about you, and often mentions how happy she is at work because your company is so fantastic. In fact judging by all of the great things she has to say about you, and your wonderful personality, I am sure that you will graciously afford her the time to do this incredible, and altruistic favour for me. Thanks!
Love,
Bakker
P.S; That’s a lovely shirt you are wearing… have you been working out?
Gary Taylor
Dear Gary Taylor,
Thank-you for beating cancer. It had no business messing with you in the first place, I can’t imagine what it was thinking. The world needs more people like you. I’m sure that your story will give others the strength to fight cancer, and kick it’s a$$ too, because you are proof that it can be done. Way to go man!
All the best,
Love,
Bakker
We Do Not All Share The Same Sense Of Humour
Dear Self,
Although it is noble of you to try and diffuse a potential road-rage situation with your charm and wittiness, it is not at all helpful to refer to the Parcel-Delivery Driver involved as “The King Of Queens”.
It should be of no surprise to you that said driver went absolutely bananas afterward. Not everybody shares your sense of humour. I thought you knew this.
Please do try to behave yourself in future.
Love,
Bakker
Chill
Here is the video that I made for a song called Chill. I wrote the lyrics, and melody, while my pal Rudy wrote and recorded the music. The video is special to me because it contains the most important people in my life, and I love them all. Enjoy!…
I Feel Like Such An Ass
Dear Lady At The Bell Canada Call Centre,
I am so sorry that I made you cry on the phone. I was only trying to explain the ongoing issue that I have had with billing over the past four years, and I didn’t mean to raise my voice. I know that it is not your fault, and I know that you are just doing your job, but it was really frustrating that as a part of a resolution of an on-going over-billing issue Bell thought that it would be cool to have you try and up-sell me a security system, and then put me on hold for twenty minutes waiting for an “installation consultant”
I am really ashamed of myself for raising my voice to you.
I know that I already apologized to you on the phone, and you seemed okay, but I still feel terrible for upsetting you. I was raised better than that.
I am really sorry.
Love,
Bakker
Do you poach kangaroos in the Outback at night with that thing?
Dear Guy With The Four Billion Kilowatt Headlamps,
You sure are a great driver. I am surprised that its okay for the rest of us to share the roadway with you. I’m not sure where you were going, but it sure must be important. We would all have happily gotten out of your way, but you yourself were making that difficult to do; you see, when someone races right up to your bumper on the highway at night with those ridiculous High Intensity headlights on, the entire interior of your car lights-up and you can’t see out of the windows in order to change lanes to get out of the way. Its like being interrogated by a freaking Football Stadium. Really, what do you even need those lights for?…Do you poach kangaroos in the Outback at night or something? Get some normal headlights like the rest of us. Dumbass.
Love,
Bakker